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So don’t argue, smile and nod politely and say “ja, je hebt gelijk.”If you want to impress Dutch women, forget showing your car keys, or talking about how fine the wool is that your suits are made from. You could see that some of the affected residents were rubbing their hands with glee at the thought of how much money they’ll save on energy bills as a result.

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Now this post might upset some, and if as a result I’m grabbed by a group of angry Dutch women, and am taken to my own personal hell, the drie dwaze dagen sale at de Bijenkorf, and am forced to carry their bags while they scream at me “IK ZEG SKINNY JEANS, DIT IS EEN BOOTCUT JIJ IDIOOT.” I’ll say to my enemies, “no need to be so aggressive, I was just telling it like it is.”The things I do for my readers!

As Grandmaster Flash once said in the song White Lines, ‘don’t, don’t, don’t do it! Even after 10 years in the land of deep fried cuisine, I still can’t break the habit of opening doors for women.

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Think of Homer’s Odyssey (not Simpson), Dr Richard Kimble’s quest to find the one armed man in the Fugitive, or attempting to join the SAS.

These are all child’s play when compared with finding and keeping a Dutch woman.

If several men are together, Dutch women, through a series of shouting, rudeness, and intimidation, will eventually home in on the man most likely to carry their shopping bags for them at Albert Heijn in the near future.

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