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The best bet was usually to buy a ticket to whatever PG-13 film the theater was also showing, and then sneak one by one into the theater showing the hard stuff, where we’d only be caught about 70 percent of the time.

The year before, a bunch of us snuck successfully into .

Mark’s Place: This track was co-written by Steve Jones of the Sex Pistols. The young protagonist of “Papa Don’t Preach” plans to keep her baby, which you would think would endear her to her more conservative detractors, but nope: Religious groups lined up to accuse her of promoting teenage promiscuity.

Like characters in a Dan Fogelberg song, we do what we must to get by. Whitney Houston, “Greatest Love of All” Not bad, Whitney, but everyone knows Dina Martina did the best version of this song. Jeffrey Osborne, “You Should Be Mine” This one is subtitled “The Woo Woo Song,” predating Pat Benatar’s “Ooh Ooh Song” by less than a year, Cher’s cover of “The Shoop Shoop Song” by six years, and the simultaneous chart run of Tag Team’s “Whoop! The official word on abortion seemed to be: literally damned if you do, mocked and shamed if you don’t. Level 42, “Something About You” We talk a lot about the Song of Summer here at Vulture, but what we often fail to discuss is the Song That Brings on Summer.

That’s who we supported, us record-buying teenagers of the ’80s, because we had no other choice.

There was no Radio Disney to market to us in our infancy, no Nickelodeon stars waiting in an incubator to become pop stars, no Kidz Bop to translate American lyrics into child.

Nope, we had to buy records made by guys who took statins.

My first 45 was Dan Fogelberg’s “Same Old Lang Syne,” a bittersweet story-song about two former lovers who bump into one another in a supermarket frozen foods section and get honest about their lives’ compromises and disappointments over a six-pack, then ruefully say another, more final good-bye as the snow turns into rain. Andy Taylor, “Take It Easy” The first solo single from the least popular Taylor in Duran Duran comes from the soundtrack of the timeless Mitch Gaylord–Janet Jones love-among-the-pommel-horses gymnastics flick American Anthem.

Mean Girls was released ten years ago today, which is a thing that should make us all feel very, very old.

And sure, I could get into my De Lorean GIF and fly back to that week in pop-music history, but I’ve already done hard time in 2004 for an earlier installment of my Somewhere in Time column, and I just don’t have a second thing to say about Usher’s “Yeah!

I spent the whole six weeks of this program with a smile so wide even the drama kids were like: dial it back. PSB, “Opportunities”Polish superdirector Zbigniew Rybczynski emigrated to the United States in the mid-’80s with a green screen and a dream, and went on to make the same video a million times in a row, including: Compare, but don’t contrast, because you can’t. Boys Don’t Cry, “I Wanna Be a Cowboy”This song is a war crime.

If you told me it was cooked up in an hour by a small-market Morning Zoo team, I would have no choice but to believe you.

” Before the question was even out of my mouth, she replied “I JUST WISH WE NEVER HAD TO TALK ABOUT SEX AT ALL EVER,” thereby clarifying the official Catholic position on human sexuality better than all the modern popes combined.

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