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So taboo is this desire for intimacy that its possibility can terrify men; not because it's smothering, but because they realize how desperate they are for it. First, understand that your guy's hasty retreat post-sex may be because he doesn't understand how much he craves a connection with you.
Sex can help ease many stressors in a relationship, but it can also cause stress.
If he complains about a lack of sex (or the fact that you're only doing certain things on his birthday), then be honest about what's causing you to withhold.
That's when your partner can talk about what pressures he's feeling, or what he's self-conscious about. "In a really good, connected, long-term partnership, there's not a magic word that will work wonders; it's more about getting to know what it is your partner is worried about, and addressing that outside of the bedroom, when he's not already anxious about whatever the issue at hand is." Once you're in the bedroom (and aware of his insecurities), remind him of how much you enjoy being intimate.
For example, if he's worried about his weight, maybe give him a sexy once-over and tell him how how buff he looks naked.
"You might find something is really fun, and then you can transfer that to partner sex." Otherwise, saying anything that's praising, instructive, and even a little dirty tends to go over well with men.
Tell him exactly how you want to be touched (and where, and using what) and you'll his pleasure meter — and yours —through the roof.
Talking during sex heavy breathing, groaning, and moaning are all sounds that we make when we're feeling free, and studies have shown that it's erotic for all parties involved to hear.
It's also a great way to really express what you want, which is a huge turn-on for men when they know they're doing exactly what you need to have an orgasm.
One reason that you may not even be aware of is an issue called receptive desire, Mintz says.
"As a woman ages and the relationship goes on, [many] stop being spontaneously horny," she explains.
"If he's been jumping in the shower right after sex for the last 10 years, he's going to be really taken off guard if, the next time he goes into the shower, you all of a sudden say it upsets you," she explains.Tags: Adult Dating, affair dating, sex dating